Yarning

Some things that have made me laugh since I got back to Zim!

1.       You know someone is drunk driving cos theyr not swerving for the pot holes that cover all the roads some of which will swallow a car!

2.       Just because your white, the black population will address you as Bass (Boss) at all times weather your actually his boss or both in line at a liquor store at 2am.

3.       You go through a road block (and theyr everywhere!) there will be 15 cops stranding around and a huge line of cars but only one cop will be working, then you go round a corner and there will be traffic lights that havnt workd in months but there will be no cops directing traffic!!! WTF!!

4.       Zimbabwe doesn’t quiet realsie the potential of Automated machines! You got to a parking ticket machine and there will be someone there to push the button to get a ticket for you, and it’s the same at ATM’s!

5.       Spent a weekend out on a Mates farm getting wasted on a hill and worshiping a massive Jimi Hendrix poster whilst listening to Vodoo Child!

6.  People who knew of my love for Detol as a shampoo, all round soap / disinfectant and house hold cleaner will be stoked to hear I have now discoved they make a Detol Deodorant. Have loaded up needless to say  =D

7.   Went out to dinner and was amazed to find the same album that had haunted me for two years as a waiter at Zibibbo playing!!! The Boob Man- Michael Booble!!!

      Shout out to all my Zibbs Peeps hope you gave Tommy an appropriate send off! Miss you all but dont miss the Goulag haha hope you all one day manage to escape the striped pajamas =)

Wake Boarding

Do you Wakeboard??  I Dabble.....

Gordy- Absolute Nutter and John Lennon Re-created

Paddy- Reggae genius for a white boy

Dan- Has wakeboard and boat... Need i say more haha

Spent 3 awesome days wakeboarding with the guys in the photos at the lake i used to go to as a Kid for all my Birthdays was an Epic time! Had the whole lake to ourselves so it was carnage the whole way through! 

On the trip we managed to loose 3 pairs of sunnies to the Lake between us, this was probably contributed to by the copious amounts of booze and ganja. I lost mine by being so drunk I forgot they were on my face and jumped  into the lake =S

Also Jumped off some massive cliffs and had some spectacular bails off the board. I swear my face hit the water so hard one time my eye balls came out my ass…

End of Unemployment, Bribery, and The Lion Whisperer

Nice Kitty....

Hope she's not on the rag other wise were all fuckd!!!!

So the bliss of Unemployment has come to an end!

I spent 6 weeks trying to avoid the inevitable but it has arrived!  After a four day trial involving walking with lions, horse rising and swimming with elephants and playing with Lion Cubs! I have a job doing all of the above on a daily basis! So not gona be doing the Chef thing for about 6 months till the Uk.

Instead will be working in the bush about 3hrs from Civilization! Place is called Antelope Park which is odd as the emphasis is on lions. Its got sum epic peeps and the owner has one arm coz he came home pissd as a fart one night and went to pet his Kitty through the fence and got Noshd!! Plus the highlight of the place is that at any time there are 50 volunteers staying in the park. Volunteer means they pay like 6000 US to come work for 6 weeks! Their from all over Europe, the US, Aussy and their mostly under 25. We live in the same dorms as them and have the same common room and shit it’s a total piss up! Out of the 3 nights I spent there on my trial I didn’t get to bed before 2am! So looking forward to starting on the 2nd of Feb.

If you wana see what its about check out the website  www.antelpoepark.co.zw

 Also was amazed that unemployment was not  50% as I said earlier but is actually at 90% according to latest UN pol! More amazed that I got a job!!

Once I had the job I had to get my residency and the right to work in Zim again (odd as I was born in the country) Had to pay my first bribe to an immigration official for this! Was US$ 200!! Bribes ant cheep!!

The Farm and Stag do

Spent about 4 days out on my step mum vivs parent’s farm once again lots of chilling reading and drinking tea. Highlights being shooting, catching a massive spider (see pic) and had to shoot the biggest Puff Adder iv ever seen  cos it was tryna get the dogs it was pretty fuckd after being owed by Bird Shot  from a 12 gauge Was amazed how women can get so stressed about a wedding??

Then came the stag do which lacked all the things that make a stag do in my opinion those being a Comertosed Groom, Strippers and some sort of Substance abuse. Instead we went to the Bulawayo club to have a classy dinner and smoke Cigars in Snooker room. However the club is still so steepd in colonial tradition that women have to enter through a side entrance and are not allowed in the Main Bar! AWESOME! Somethings Africa just gets so right!

Victoria Falls - 7th Wonder of the World

Me and Dad, Fall in backdrop

Wow thats a long way down

Cooking a man size amount of Borovause (fuck know how to spell it)

Possibly my greatest drunken achievement!

We were staying in National parks lodges so there was no electricity most of the time and running water if you were lucky. On our last night it was 30 degrees so sat up till 3am drinking and sweating while I attempted to make a 52card house of cards which I finally did after 4 hrs and all the patience I possessed! Pretty sure the fact the cards were soggy with sweat help to though haha

As you might expect Vic Falls was a big cliff with water going over the edge, worth a look but defiantly not the highlight of the town! Its like Queenstown, full of tourist and always partying. While we were there did White water rafting (see pics on Facebook) which was fuckin awesome! The waves on the rapids were 8ft high in some places, had a legend guide who’s name was Colgate haha id forgotten about that one! 23 rapids in total and it’s the biggest commercially rafted river in the world. Must be something to do with complete lack of African health and safety regulations! Also jumped of bridges and into gorges with bits of string attached. Stepping into a massive gorge hungover with a 70m free fall was not enjoyable but well worth it! Did alot of arm flapping in the hope of some wind resistance... None was found

Hwange National park - Pronounced Wankie (hehe) for the immature among us =D

At a petrol station the was a hand written sigh that said "No Smoking, No Cell phones and No Drunkard(s)

Biltong in training

Elephant giving us the Bull

Few animals understand true Style

Cant get over how epic the sunsets are..

Involved driving around a lot looking for animals as the term “game drive” might suggest. Saw  heaps of shit, highlights being elephant really up close , maybe abit to close they got abit shity with us haha once again activities were drinking and generally enjoying a complete lack of commitments . Met a ranger who’s name was Obvious… like how is it obvious if I don’t know you? To this he replied No my name Is Obvious! There are some awesome names in Africa but that one takes the cake… Have also met a Trust, Six pence, Progress, Fortunate, and  Ignorance. But I can see where his mum was coming from, he was pretty slow =S